Gown Fitting For Her Majesty

“Solar power encircles every nerve in her slender titanium and silicon frame.” Three copper wind chimes vibrated, reeling in Harpo’s gaze for a second before he continued his story.

“She stands at 5’8”. Her favorite hairstyle is an asymmetric silver pixie cut with streaks of Robin egg blue. Each fiber in her fingers is as sensitive and resilient as a string of spider silk. Each weekend, she recreates the flourishes of any Cirque du Soleil acrobat down to the millimeter. She can’t pin down why mimicking relaxes her so much.” 

Leaning on the counter, Harpo continued: “I complimented Amber’s olive tinted skin at the Squamous Public library around 3 months ago. You’re correct, that’s in B.C. We bumped into each other at the archives of 1960s Time magazines. One magazine contained a slice of life featurette about the effectiveness of a cost conscious housewife1.”

“Although the idea of being a home-maker doesn’t appeal to me, I admire the willingness of those in the 60s to mend torn clothes rather than throwing them out,” Amber whispered. We noticed heads were starting to turn, so we settled beside the lowest shelves of the Time magazine stacks. “That thrifty mindset is refreshingly different from our paradigm of replacing is better than fixing.”

Nodding, I added, “minimalist trends are starting to rear their heads again due to fears of another landfill avalanche.” 

“A month later, I discovered that her skin is a self-healing polymer2 that exudes a scent of roasted hazelnut. Good question. I have no idea how her skin stitches itself together. Her short answer was that UV rays can spontaneously repair any scrapes within 10 minutes of the injury. She’s never used band aids.”

“Yeah, yeah, she holds a biocurator position at the University of British Columbia. I embarrassed myself over dinner with her by trying to guess what a biocurator does. It seems like helping the public find “juicy” details about fruit fly DNA gets her up in the morning. Watch out though, or she’ll usher you into a rabbit hole about so-called ‘fun database updates’. Here Harpo’s signature belly laugh made itself known. “Avoid that tangent at all costs.”

Swiping across a selection of potential gowns, Georgie chuckled. She’d been indulging this effusive customer for half an hour now. Sadly, his monologue had little to do with details she actually cared about, such as fabric dimensions. At least this gentleman wasn’t rude, unlike the prick from yesterday. “The Rugged Tailors” could not afford another bad review anytime soon.

“Kindly tell sir, what do you appreciate most about Amber?” Georgie recovered from her memories of the horrid review just in time.

“Her teal irises notice your micro expressions3, helping her to respond in an accurate and empathetic manner in real time. Even her mood swings will not change how attentively she’ll listen to my rare after work rants.” Harpo gingerly rubbed his temples as echoes of his irascible boss returned to haunt him. “Despite the luxury of rare ingredients, my job as a gourmet chef frustrates me from time to time.”

“To unwind, we play Wii sports boxing then birdwatch during the sunset. She has mastered reproducing the call of the Nightjar bird.” He played a recording on his Dorca3000 retractable pen.

“Almost sounds like a miniature drilling machine,” interrupted the seamstress. “Do you guys still decorate oatmeal cookies in your 2065 Ram Promaster van?”

“Yeah, once a month. We’re getting better at cleaning up afterwards. Karaoke, raspberry smoothies, and newborn puppies also matter a lot to her.” 

“Aww. Did you learn about her preferences in person or from her Sparks—” 

“No, I couldn’t find anything about her online. Except for her PluggedIn account. But that’s only a dry resume tailoring site. Apparently, some idiot on Sparks had ghosted her after she had cleared her entire weekend for their hiking trip. That was the straw that broke the camel’s back, resulting in a deletion of her profile.”

Harpo’s chromium bead rang, displaying a hologram of Amber doing jumping jacks. He sheepishly switched it off. 

“Oh man! I forgot about our escape room appointment. Ok, ok, I’ve finally made up my mind. Amber is royalty in my book, so making sure she can wave to our relatives and friends on the big day is a must. Please prepare the knee-length purple peplum dress with short sleeves according to her measurements.” 

Georgie’s tense shoulders slightly relaxed. 

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1) Magazine Transcript (timestamps from 7:35-8:50, 9:35-10:49)

2) Self-Healing Polymers

3) AI Powered Micro-expression Recognition

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